i’ve seen and heard it all

medicine,stupid — commander flatus @ 10:25 am August 25, 2019

i’ve just been reminded by a vendor that all endoscopy videos for a drug trial need to be submitted IN COLOR.

Pearls

medicine,stupid — commander flatus @ 1:14 am February 22, 2013
A teacher once told me that the challenge in seeing the patient with bloating was to tell her that it’s fat, not bloating without offending them. Seven years ago when he told me that I thought he was horribly misogynistic and cynical. Now I realize that he’s a genius.

Re: Expert help on Lifehacker (or why not to volunteer to be an expert)

medicine,stupid — commander flatus @ 3:28 am May 28, 2011

Hey [name removed to protect the innocent] –

Sorry for taking a while to get back to you.

I’m afraid there’s no correct answer. Particularly for men – men can wipe however they want without any consequences other than social ill will from smelling bad. It’s alleged that women should wipe front-to-back to avoid urinary tract infection. This certainly seems reasonable as it makes sense that keeping feces away from the female urethra would keep the area sterile (urine itself is sterile, after all). Unfortunately, there are no randomized, placebo-controlled studies looking into this that I am aware of.
In researching your question, I did come across some interesting facts about the history of toilet paper (there’s a Wikipedia entry). Also, I enjoyed the humorous website http://howtowipeyourbutt.com/ in researching this piece. It almost looks like something from http://theoatmeal.com/, but it’s not.
Anyway, hope this helps. As a gastroenterologist, believe it or not, it’s a question that no patient has ever, ever asked me.
Best,
commander flatus

On Fri, May 20, 2011 at 6:49 PM, [removed] <[removed]@lifehacker.com> wrote:

Hi [commander flatus],

Thanks for emailing in to volunteer your expertise. We’re starting up a section next week called “Am I Doing This Right” (title not yet finalized), that takes basic stuff that you and I and everyone else does on a daily basis, and asks an expert if we are, in fact, doing it correctly.

Here’s the question/activity I’m concentrating on first: wiping your butt. Silly topic, but one that’s pretty interesting. How many people are doing it the “wrong” way? We’ll find out.

So my question to you, as a medical professional, what is the “correct” way of wiping? Front to back, or back to front? And what are the medical reasons why and why not?

Feel free to write as much as you like, giving opinions, examples or even previous cases where you’ve encountered this. (No names necessary.)

Thanks for helping out Lifehacker! Don’t forget to include any websites or links or info you’d like us to credit you under.


[removed contact info]

Abbott’s HUMIRA┬« (Adalimumab) Meets Primary Endpoints In Phase III Ulcerative Colitis Study

medicine,stupid — commander flatus @ 8:53 pm May 21, 2011

Abbott’s HUMIRA┬« (Adalimumab) Meets Primary Endpoints In Phase III Ulcerative Colitis Study

There are a couple of things that strike me about this study:

  • Their placebo response rate is really, really low compared to other UC (and IBD) studies.
  • Their aggregate response rate of 16-17% is really pathetic, even compared to other studies of anti-TNF drugs.
  • I ain’t writing adalimumab for UC based on this data.
Disclosure: I’m on their speaker’s bureau and have given promotional talks for them. It’s a good drug for Crohn’s disease, but these data (which I suspect will lead to an FDA approved indication for ulcerative colitis) are very underwhelming. If I were the FDA, I would request another Phase III study.

commander flatus’ laws of internal medicine

medicine,stupid — commander flatus @ 7:07 pm May 19, 2011

commander flatus’ laws of internal medicine:

  1. beer (and sometimes steroids) makes everything better
  2. when faced with a consultation that you don’t know what to do about, blame another organ/subspecialty with which you’re not involved/responsible for
  3. nausea and vomiting is (almost) never a good reason to call a gastroenterologist
  4. some people just can’t handle a tummy ache
  5. (dr.) commander flatus’ sign: a patient who presents with magic marker drawing on their body parts to illustrate where their pain is may need a psychiatry consultation in addition to a workup for their pain
  6. when commander flatus leaves town, his patients will simultaneously crump. the likelihood of this occuring increases logarithmically as the purpose of the trip increases from cme to vacation.
(and now google’s adsense will populate my blog with ads for medical malpractice attorneys)

    About the stupidest study ever

    medicine,stupid — commander flatus @ 5:21 pm April 17, 2011

    Staph Bacteria Found in Half of U.S. Meat

    That’s kind of like saying half of all children are below average. Staph is everywhere. Get over it. The world isn’t sterile.

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