- beer (and sometimes steroids) makes everything better
- when faced with a consultation that you don't know what to do about, blame another organ/subspecialty with which you're not involved/responsible for
- nausea and vomiting is (almost) never a good reason to call a gastroenterologist
- some people just can't handle a tummy ache
- (dr.) commander flatus' sign: a patient who presents with magic marker drawing on their body parts to illustrate where their pain is may need a psychiatry consultation in addition to a workup for their pain
- when commander flatus leaves town, his patients will simultaneously crump. the likelihood of this occuring increases logarithmically as the purpose of the trip increases from cme to vacation.
(and now google's adsense will populate my blog with ads for medical malpractice attorneys)